


Who Says You Can't Go Home

by lovethecoat51



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 10:10:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1262410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovethecoat51/pseuds/lovethecoat51
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Star Trek AU where Jim got Carol pregnant during the Academy and the boys parted ways.... only to be brought back together 20 years later when their kids get married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Says You Can't Go Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [therealmccoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/therealmccoy/gifts).



"Bones."

"Jim."

Those were the first words the two old friends had said to each other in almost 25 years. They couldn't bear to let anything else slip, or they'd never stop until they were fumbling in a dark, cramped closet and stealing looks and kisses in empty hallways.

That's how the whole mess started, really.

As it was, they were now standing shoulder to shoulder, closer than strictly necessary, while waiting for orders. Of all things, their  _children_  had found each other and deemed it appropriate to tie the knot. Fate was cruel to them like that; the very thing that tore them apart was what brought them back together.

  
  


_"Carol's pregnant."_

_Those two words almost brought Bones to his knees as his world shattered around him for a second time._

_He'd often cursed Jim's promiscuity, teasing him that he probably had more than a few Little Jims running around, but with that reality now staring him in the face, it suddenly wasn't funny. Not at all._

_"Shit, Jim..." It was the only thing he could think to say as he circled his arms around a trembling Jim. His best friend (and almost-lover for the past few months) was in the scariest position any man ever faced, one he himself had been in before he'd even gotten out of high school._

_"Yeah, you could say that." Jim said shakily. "She's pretty pissed, said she never wanted to see me ever again. I don't know, Bones, I'm still a fucking cadet, I can't do anything for a kid, for a_ baby _, but growing up without a dad..."_

_Jim trailed off, not wanting or needing to finish that thought. He was a textbook case for what could go wrong when a boy didn't have a decent father figure, and that only made the pain of the situation more acute. Bones knew - better than most, too, and yet it still wasn't everything - how fucked up Jim was, and also how he'd never forgive himself for putting his own flesh and blood through something like that._

_Brilliant blue eyes, suspiciously wet, blinked up at Bones. "I don't know what to do..." Goddamn, if he didn't sound like a little kid who was just told he had to fight the monster in his closet all on his own._

_"Jim, you need to be with your_ family _. Go." It killed him to say that, but he wasn't going to put Jim, Carol, and the next Kirk-to-be through the hell that his own family had endured. It was selfish to want to keep Jim for himself, to force yet another kid to grow up without a father. He couldn't do that, and he couldn't let Jim do that, either._

_No, this was the right thing to do. He packed Jim's things up for him, because Jim sure as hell didn't have the strength to do it. One last, brief kiss and they parted ways, seemingly forever._

  
  


A casual observer would have heard only a few brief words pass between them, but there was a deeper, unspoken conversation being held in that only Jim and Bones understood.

"So... you and Jocelyn, huh?"  _Wow, never would have expected the ex to pop back up again like that..._

"Yep."  _Shut the fuck up, it's your goddamn fault._

"How did Jo take it?"  _Yeah, but still, Bones... Jocelyn?_

"Fine."  _I've got no one else_.

Jim didn't have an answer for that.

It was Leonard’s turn to lead off. 

"How are you and Carol?"  _She'd better make you happy, you bastard_.

"Speaking again. Finally."  _She never did_.

"Oh?"  _That shouldn't make me happy, should it?_

"Yeah. We got divorced after David got accepted to the Academy."  _Your guess is as good as mine._

Leonard didn't have an answer for that.

  
  


_David Kirk had his mother's light blonde hair but everything else was his father's. He was a heart-breaker from the moment he could smile. So when he went in for his physical on his very first day at Starfleet Academy and was greeted by a pretty brunette doctor with hazel eyes, he knew it was only a matter of time before she fell for him, too._

_Little did he know that it would take almost three years before she finally caved and went for dinner with him. By that point, he was hopelessly in love with the sassy Southern belle who had the quickest wit he'd ever encountered. Outside of himself, of course._

_He proposed on their first date, knowing her answer before even she did._

_Kirks and McCoys tended to work that way._

  
  


It was a little surprising that it didn't happen sooner, but they were both too good at staying bitter. Most of the guests had left the reception after the bride and groom departed for their honeymoon, and that was almost two hours ago. Just two lone figures remained, their ties no longer knotted and nursing a couple glasses of strangely colored liquid.

Bone- Leonard (he hadn’t been Bones in years, having rid himself of that annoying nickname as soon as he’d left San Francisco) still hadn't said anything since Jim dropped the bombshell that was his divorce. Half of him wanted to wring the kid's neck and scream at him for not telling him sooner while the other half was kicking himself for not keeping up with his friend.

Finally the bartender kicked them out of the hall, insisting that she had a husband and family to get home to, and anyway, she'd let them stay for an hour longer than they'd paid for, so she didn't want to hear any whining from either of them.

They didn't whine, but they weren't quite ready to part ways again.

"So..."

"So."

"This is it, I guess."

"Until your boy knocks up my girl, probably."

Jim managed a weak laugh. He was so far from ready to be a grandfather.

"See you around, Jim."

As Leonard turned to leave, Jim's desperation got the better of him and he grabbed his arm before he could take more than a step. "Bones,  _please_."

That was all Leonard needed to hear. The words didn't matter so much as the earnest tone in Jim's voice, one he hadn't heard in too long. A small voice in the back of his mind was saying something about how Jocelyn might not appreciate being divorced from him twice, but he couldn't care less at that moment.

He had  _his Jim_  back, and all was right in his world again.

  
  


_"She's great, Dad, you'd love her," David told him over a viewscreen one day. "She's smart, sarcastic,_ gorgeous _, doesn't put up with my shit."_

_Jim chuckled, feeling so much older than he should. "Sounds like my kind of girl. What's her name?"_

_"Joanna. Joanna McCoy."_

_"Joanna McCoy?!"_

_"...you know her?"_

_"Used to. I knew her dad, actually, we went to the Academy together..."_

_"This is fantastic! It's almost like fate! I can't wait to tell Jo."_

_"...Jo?"_

_"Yeah, Jo. Something wrong, Dad?"_

_"No, no, it's... it's nothing. Hey, I've got to go, David, my shift starts in an hour. I'll call you later, ok?"_

_"Talk to you then."_

_"And David?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I'm really happy for you two."_

_"Thanks, Dad. Kirk out.”_

  
  


"You ever go back? To the Academy?"

The cheap hotel room sheets were stained with sex, which meant they couldn't put this off any longer. The time for naked honesty had finally arrived.

"No," Jim answered slowly, trying to hide his deep-rooted shame. "We moved out to Washington, near Carol's mom. She got me a job at this law firm..."

"You became a lawyer?" Bones - he was definitely Bones again, and that name never felt more  _right_  - snorted. "Always were good at arguing."

"If only I had been so lucky. Nighttime security guard. It was the only thing I could get at the time, and when other jobs opened up... I couldn't afford to risk it. Not with David."

They lay there in a mournful silence for a while, regret hanging heavy between them. So much damned potential in that kid, and it had all been thrown away after one small slip-up.

"So how long before you left?" Jim didn't dare look at Bones for fear of breaking the fragile moment.

"I lasted 'til the end of the semester. It just wasn't the same..." Bones trailed off, not wanting to give voice to the "without you" that was clawing its way up his throat.

  
  


_"He treat you right, squirrel?"_

_Joanna rolled her eyes. "Do you think I'd marry him if he didn't?"_

_Bones couldn't help but smile. "So when do I get to meet him?"_

_"He coming home with me next week. And don't bother pulling out your shotgun to 'clean it,' he doesn't scare easily."_

_"I'll see about that..."_

_"I'm serious, Dad. Nothing short of me scares the future Captain Kirk."_

_Bones choked on air. "What'd you say his name was, squirrel?"_

_"David Kirk. Hey, didn't you used to know a Kirk?"_

_He nodded dumbly. It had to be a coincidence, the universe didn’t hate him that much. "Yeah, Jim Kirk."_

_Joanna's eyes lit up. "That's David's father!"_

_Alright, maybe it_ did _hate him that much._

  
  


Somewhere around four a.m., Jim had found enough courage to roll over and cling to Bones like he’d been dreaming for the past two decades.

“Don’t leave me.”

“You think I could lose you a second time?”

“I was surprised you could the first.”

“Jim, I-”

“Don’t. Whatever you’re gonna say,  _don’t_. I wouldn’t want to change anything. The time I got to spend with David… I never dreamed I would love something so mundane, so normal as much as I did. Yeah, things didn’t work out with Carol, but I got to see my son grow up. Something my dad never did. And I have you to thank for that.”

Bones stared at Jim. For so long, he had remembered him as a juvenile delinquent who needed an impossible goal to go after just to keep himself out of trouble. The kid was destined for great things, everyone knew that. Instead, he got stuck pulling night shifts in a dead-end marriage, one of the worst destinies imaginable for someone with so much spirit, and here he was  _thanking_  Bones for putting him there.

Maybe he wasn’t Starfleet’s brightest broken star anymore, but he was every bit the Jim Kirk he had fallen in love with all those years ago.

  
  


_“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. McCoy.”_

_“Dad, this is where you say hello or shake his hand or threaten his life or something.”_

_“Leonard?”_

_“Dad?”_

_“Sir?”_

_“I… I need to check on the horses.”_

_The kid’s eyes were just too goddamn blue._

  
  


Dawn came and went, and there was a knock on the door telling them to clear out or they’ll be charged another night. Tempted though they were, they both had responsibilities. At least, Bones did. He had skipped out on his wife at their daughter’s wedding, and he knew there’d be hell to pay.

As he gathered up his clothes and tried to clean himself up, he smirked at the hickey on his neck. There was no explaining that, though he knew the ice storm it would whip up once Joce saw it. A small part of him knew it’d be worth it.

He paused at the door, his hand hovering over the door sensor. “You know, my dad’s name was David.”

“I know.” Jim sat quietly on the edge of the bed, buttoning up his shirt. “I guess it was my way of keeping you close.”

  
  


_“It’s very nice to meet you, Mr. Kirk.”_

_“Call me Jim. We’ve met before, you know.”_

_“Yeah, David was telling me you went to the Academy with my dad.”_

_“His roommate, actually. He brought me back to Georgia for a week during our second year.”_

_“I kinda remember that, we went to the zoo to see-”_

_“To see the baby pandas, yeah. And your dad ended up covered in-”_

_“Covered in tribbles! Oh my god, that was you?! I never would have realized that!”_

_And though he smiled, he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces that his Jo had forgotten her Uncle Jim a long, long time ago._

  
  


They exchanged comm numbers in the parking lot, lingering a little bit longer than they should have, and went their separate ways. Leonard, back to his wife, and Jim, back to his empty shell of a house.

It took three whole days before he caved and called Bones.

“I need to see you. Where are you?”

“Savannah. Where are you?”

“Riverside.”

“What the hell are you doing back there?”

“After Ma died-”

“Your momma died? Shit, Jim, I’m sorry.”

“It was years ago.”

“I should have kept up with you.”

“I should have kept up with you, too.”

Silence hung between them, something that was becoming all too common.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you then.”

Bones disconnected before he realized what Jim had said.

  
  


_"James, you lost interest in me a long time ago."_

_"Carol, that's not true."_

_"Don't pretend that this was for anything other than your worry over David turning into you."_

_"It's not-"_

_"_ No _. Let me finish. You didn't want your son to grow up with the same pain that you did. You gave up everything you ever wanted for him, and I can't think of anything more selfless. But we were never going to grow old together. That's not what you want, and quite frankly, that's not what I want either. I like to think we're still friends, or we never would have made it even this long. We're not in love, Jim, we don't need to pretend anymore. And I'd like to find love sometime in my life. I think we both deserve it."_

_Jim was silent. How could he argue with that? Theirs was very obviously a marriage of convenience. It was a good enough arrangement for them, David never suffered for it, but she was right. It would only hurt to keep pretending now that it was just the two of them again._

_"You always were smarter than me."_

_"I know. I'm a lot of things more than you. If you need anything, a friend to lean on, a date to anywhere, even just a one night stand, I'll be there for you. I just want to have my own life, too."_

"Thank you _._ "

  
  


Bones wasn't surprised when Jim showed up at his office the next day. Not initially. It was like he had always been there, standing in front of the building holding two coffees and a bag of donuts. That didn't make Bones smile any less, though.

It was still an hour before his first patient was due, and half an hour until his nurses and assistants started showing up. That all added up to fucking on his desk  _before_  they had their coffee.  Well, at least he kept a tidy office and there weren't any suspicious wet spots on any of his PADDs.

Still, he hated cold coffee.

"Let's run away," Jim said, picking at the sprinkles on the sugar bomb of a donut in front of him.

"Yeah, Jim. Sure. Where should we go?"

"Anywhere. Everywhere. I'll sell the house, buy us a little transport ship. We'll take on odd jobs to keep us afloat. I don't care, I just want to be with you again."

"I still hate space, you know."

"I'll make it better."

By God, but Bones believed him.

  
  


_"I can't believe what I'm hearing."_

_"Joss, it's not what you think."_

_"Really? What is it then? Because what I think is that I'm about to get divorced from the same selfish asshole for a second time. Do you have any idea how much shit I've had to put up with because of you? When you came crawling back because you couldn't stick it in Starfleet, everyone said it was a mistake. That you hadn't changed, and that this would only end in tears -_ my _tears - again. I should have listened to them and turned you right out."_

_"Now, wait just a minute! Don't go acting like you're a completely innocent party here! I know about your goddamn affairs! Hell, the whole fucking town knows about them! I've put up with the rumors and the looks and God knows what else because I always thought this was as good as I was ever gonna get. Well, now I've got something better, so I'm cutting my losses."_

_"Go to hell, Leonard."_

_"You first, darlin'."_

 

 

“You ready?” 

“Yeah. You?”

“Don’t have much choice, do I?”

“You could always stay.”

Bones snorted. “Got nothing left but you, kid.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “I’m almost eligible for retirement, you  _really_  need to stop with the ‘kid’ shit.”

“Start acting like you earned those grey hairs and we’ll see.”

It felt a lot like running, something both of them were comfortable with in their youth. They should have long outgrown this impulse, this need to cut ties and start fresh, but they always did bring out the worst in each other. The best, too, and that’s why they really couldn’t be bothered about the messes they left behind.

They had the universe ahead of them, and their torn hearts taped back together. Nothing else mattered beyond that. 


End file.
